Look what my baby’s done to me!

by Sonirakel in On my mind Tags: Babies, God's love, journey, Parenting

Last year, on 31^st July at 2.00am I checked into Nairobi hospital labor ward. After 36 weeks, my journey had come to an end and I was about start another. I was apprehensive. I had had 36 weeks of mostly emotional turmoil after a near miscarriage coupled with wondering whether I had made the right choice to keep the baby. Yes, I admit it; I did entertain thoughts of terminating the pregnancy- so now I do not judge. When you wear those shoes of having a child outside wedlock, you will know what I’m talking about. It is never easy. However, deep down, I knew I would not go through with it plus I have an amazing network of friends and an even more wonderful mother and they made me feel that I would make it. (Thanks a mil guys!)

Later that morning at 10.30am I held in my arms the most fragile, beautiful gift one could have. I was a mixture of relief, excitement, joy and apprehension- but mostly reliefJ. When my doctor gave me my baby he asked me to pray for her but I was too exhausted so he took her in his arms and said a powerful prayer over her life. I was left in tears and I experienced a kind of peace that I had not had for a while and right there and then, I knew everything would be fine. (God bless him!) I had made the right choice.

Fast forward to today. 20 days to her 1^st birthday. I look back and I stand in awe.  I would not have made it this far without God. The journey has not been without hiccups but the good outweighs the bad and that is what really matters. I realize that children are a reward from the Lord.
Through this journey I have learnt a great deal of things. Here are the top 5:

1)      I have learnt patience- Can all the parents say Amen! If you will not learn anything else from your baby, trust me, you will learn patience. Patience for the long nights, patience for the time she will cry and you have no clue what to do. I have become so patient it shocks me. Another feather to my hat J

2)     I see God’s love with a different set of eyes- I never quite grasped what unconditional love is until baby K came along. I love her with that kind of love that I can’t explain. I even worry that I may not have more love left for another.  I now know what it means when God says that He does not love us any less even when we sin. I am confident that there is not a thing that my daughter would do that would make me love her any less. Nothing. This is the carnal me speaking. Imagine how a Holy, Sovereign God loves you. It is a beautiful kind of love.

3)     I take myself less seriously- Sure this sounds wrong especially with the new responsibilities of parenthood. Maybe I should say I have learnt to let loose. Babies are carefree.  A good time to see this is when a baby falls sick. The minute they feel slightly better, they’re up and playing around again. How about us? When we encounter an obstacle we may be gloomy for weeks. Then we carry on the negative energy for such a long time and infect others as well. Here’s the secret to a good life-remember it’s never that serious. Never.

4)     SMILEJ- You’ll look better, you’ll feel better and people will want to be around you more often. There’s nothing more enchanting than a baby’s warm inviting smile and laughter. Ah! It’s magical. The purity and sincerity in it will capture your heart. Little wonder her dad wants to be around her all the time- she melts his heart.

5)     Lastly, the one year with my daughter has taught me how to forgive myself. Every day, I realize what a blessing she is in my life.  I am forgiving myself and healing and I am learning to love again without the fear of getting hurt again. As she makes her baby steps, I am making some too in my own special way and I am grateful that I can now see the beauty in my life.

I will conclude this with a prayer that is in the connect series we are studying in church:
“Father I thank you because children are a heritage from you. In deed the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has a quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate. (Psalm 127:3-5)”

Happy parenting to those with children!

Follow the writer on twitter @Sonirakel